The City That Never Sleeps

posted : Sunday, July 27, 2008

title : 21 Questions

01 Do you remember how we'd always play 21? Even though we never really got to 21 because we'd trail off into other topics and just laugh at our stupidness. That was the way we got to know each other. The reason why I began to fall for you. 02 Can you believe our friendship was never small? Straight from the beginning, it was like we'd been friends forever. I remember when we first talked on the phone. It was for two and a half hours, at my cousin's house, a few days after we started talking. 03 Right from our strong beginning, I really did fall for you. Did you know we were "checking" for the basically 2 months we were actually friends? All my friends would always ask, "Are you guys going out yet?!" I'd just look at them and smile. 04 Do you remember you asked me to be your girlfriend twice? I told my friends the first time and they called me crazy for saying no. I was shocked you still stuck with me and didn't drop me. Because trust, you don't know how much I prayed you wouldn't. 05 Do you remember all our crazy inside jokes? Hannah Montana, your bra things, 200 2000 and 3, you being as sharp as a marble, being your baby girl who doesn't wear pants, your cheesy pick up lines. My list goes on. I'd really give anything to just laugh with you about these again. 06 I know I got really busy with life. Did you ever think I forgot about you? That wasn't the case. School, ball, my parents? They had me all on lock. Don't ever think I stopped thinking about you. 07 When we broke up, you don't know how hard it was for me. Did you know I still loved you? I know I really hurt you. You we're always on my mind. I cried for days babe. 08 You don't know how much it hurt me to see you. Your name, just remembering our memories. It hurt so much know I'm the one who gave up. Were things like that for you too? 09 It took me pretty long to realize how much I missed you. It was tough knowing I didn't have you. How was it for you? Was it as hard? I kept reminding myself, I was the one who screwed up. 10 Do you remember my note, "pa-fucking-thetic"? I meant every word. I missed you like crazy. I missed being yours. Call me crazy, but, you were my everything. My world, my smile, my life. 11 When we started talking again, I said to myself "Maybe things will work out." Didn't you realize what I was trying to do? I thought maybe you'd be interested in picking up where we left off. But obviously I was wrong. 12 I remember, when you said we'd work things out, I was so happy. You never really did realize how happy I was, did you? People would catch me just randomly smiling and they'd say to me, "You're thinking about him again aren't you?" That made me smile bigger. 13 Do you know I still cry every time I hear 'The Truth'? That was my song for you. It said everything I wanted you to hear. Babe, it was the truth. 14 Do you realize how much it hurt when we didn't talk? You were one of the biggest parts of my life. You made me feel like no one else could. I trusted you. I really did. 15 With all of our conversations, my pictures, my notes, the lyrics I put up. How could you not notice I was crazy about you? I basically told you I loved you. It really wasn't that hard to see. Tell me how you thought I meant "being friends" 16 Did you know how much you hurt me when I found out you had a new girlfriend? I thought to myself, "Was I not good enough?" When you said "work things out" I thought you meant as an us. Or did you too at the time? And things changed. 17 Do you know how many times I wondered what was the truth? What I did wrong. How I expected things to be the same. How I thought there was going to be another us. I can even think straight when you're on my mind. 18 Do you know how hard it is to get over you? Every time I think I'm over you, and I'm done, something always happens and makes me fall for you all over again. I hate it how I'm not yours and how you're not mine. Trust, I'm happy for you, it's just, that could've been ours. 19 Do you ever think about you and me? What a silly thing to ask, but I still want to know. Don't you ever think about us? About everything we were? Everything we weren't? I miss you still, like crazy. I miss you being my friend. 20 What's kind of sad is how you're with her, and everything that wasn't us, is you guys. You guys follow through of the plans visiting each other, you guys have kissed. Do you know how much that hurts? We went out for almost 3 months and made it clear we liked each other for a past 2 and, it never happened. Was I not special enough? 21 You don't really care do you? From this moment, I'm going to let you go. I'm not going to live by the quote, "And the hardest thing is holding on, especially when you know he's already let go" anymore. Because I know I deserve better.

4:58 PM